Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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