i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
