There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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