actually, I'm a sock model
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
