apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize