I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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