It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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