would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
