If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
