My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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