i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
