Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
