'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
