dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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