She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
