the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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