I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
did i walk over a car last night?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
