If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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