It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
