Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He keeps bees of course he's weird
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
