I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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