I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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