plz talk dirty to me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
bring money and cleavage
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
