That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
