Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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