so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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