Fuck appropriateness.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
