This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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