I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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