Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
