I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
