onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize