I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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