we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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