Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Can Purell be used as lube?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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