tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
