he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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