K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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