morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
