i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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