Only a mothe r could love this liver
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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