Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
