Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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