just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
