I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize