Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
