Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize