I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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