The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
