Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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