What did we do last night that was yellow?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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