Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
