I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
