JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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