Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
