Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
