i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
not ubering you a puppy
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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