Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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