Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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