after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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