I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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