Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize