i will never coherently bang her
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
