I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
