There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
