I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize