Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
