When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
