How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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