I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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