Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
